Redemption
by Catlover friendly-but-xplosive
Summary: A Sith's feelings when she sees what shes done and her journey back to the light. CONTINUED, WRITING A SEQUAL! Pleaz R
1. Grief

just a oneshot i thought id write after it sprang to my head one morning

XX

I stood over the child's body with my lightsabre activated but held loosely in my hand. _What have I done?_ He was only trying to protect his sister… once I would have done the same. _So why did I kill him? What crime did he commit to deserve death?_

I deactivated the sabre and threw it against the wall angrily. _I should never have listened to him… he twists the truth to suit his own needs, I've seen it before, so why did I listen to him?_

The child's sightless eyes stared into me, accusing me. _I'm sorry for what I did to you. _As if that meant anything to him now. As if it ever meant anything to him.

_I should have talked to the Jedi first. I should have practised the serenity I gained with them. Not let my anger rule over my heart. Not attacked those who nurtured and cared for me. Let them die while I walked away unhurt._

I screamed as the thoughts swirled around in my head, back and forth, dissolving everything I thought I knew. _But I didn't. I didn't, and now they will never trust me again. Fool._

I couldn't stand next to the small broken body anymore. I ran outside, onto the balcony, but all I saw was the massacre I had caused. _I was blind to the suffering I had caused. Why was I blind, why couldn't I see the pain?_

The memory of his eyes as I activated my lightsabre haunted me. Why had I struck down that child, struck down my brother, and struck down my best friend? I had desecrated their memories. I fell to my knees, and cried, tears of anguish and confusion.

_The fog cleared over my heart, and for the first time I saw everything clearly. The pain in their eyes when they felt my change. Their hurt as they turned away from me. Why had I ever accused them of lying?_

No, I couldn't take much more of this. Everything I had ever known had been shattered. Shattered into pieces so small that even I couldn't pick them up and put them back together.

_They were only trying to help. Trying to help me, and I struck them down. Why did I deserve such good friends in the first place if all I did for them was hurt them?_

The tears blurred my vision, and suddenly I was glad. I didn't need to see the suffering. It was already there in my heart. Already cemented in my mind.

_Why was I so foolish to push her away that day? She could have helped me, could have saved me. Yet I pushed her away. She died by my blade. I'll never forgive myself._

I heard running footsteps and a rough voice as a blaster was pointed at my head. I just knelt there, grieving deep in myself. I hardly noticed the security forces surrounding me.

_What more can they do to me than I've already done to myself?_

"Hands up"

I raised my arms numbly and looked in the face of the young man. He shrank back as he recognised me.

"The Sith we were warned about… told to shoot on sight"

_I wouldn't have cared if they had. It was more than I deserved._

"But we'll not do that. Take her to the Jedi for justice"

I was shocked. What would the Jedi do when they saw me? Would they kill me on sight? Or would they try to reach out to me and heal my heart again?

_Why was this young man showing me mercy? I had lost everything; life was no longer worth living surely. Why would he disobey his orders and spare my life?_

"Please… kill me"

It was a hoarse whisper, all I could manage. But he shook his head compassionately.

"I won't kill another today. Not you, just because of what you stand for"

_Why was he doing this? Why was he showing me the mercy I had denied countless others?_

"I'm not just a symbol of the Sith. I am a Sith, and I can't count the number of people I've killed"

"I know. I'm not going to deny you the chance at life that the Jedi can give you… that the Jedi gave me. A chance to atone for your crimes"

_Isn't it enough I've asked for death? _

"I can't face them. Not after all I've done. Not with that blade"

"Is it inside?"

His voice was quiet, and I nodded. He gestured to one of the soldiers.

_Oh no, he's going to get it. I never want to see it again, especially not now._

The soldier emerged a minute later holding the black tube and looking horrified. I smiled slightly, I knew exactly why.

_He found him. Did his eyes burn into his heart too? Or was that just my punishment?_

The leader put the hilt in my hand. I shook my head vigorously and dropped it.

_Never put another weapon in my hand. Especially not this one. Please._

He picked it up again, and I saw the squad was confused. What was going on?

"You need to face it sometime"

I swallowed, looking at it, and then slowly activated the twin blades.

_I'm not ready for this. This isn't just a lightsabre. This is my wand of destruction and death. This is my past. Physical manifestation of my guilt and sorrow._

The snakes on the hilt appeared to come to life before my eyes, their red jewel eyes glittering, hissing my mistakes at me. But I still kept it activated.

_This time I felt no anger. Always before I had hated this weapon and what it stood for, or embraced the comfort it brought me. But now all I could think of was my remorse._

I broke down in quiet sobs again, remembering all the death I had caused. All the suffering I had wrought. All the pain I had left in my wake. The soldiers exchanged startled glances. They would never have expected this or knew what to do. A cruel, dangerous Sith they could handle, but not one sobbing on her knees.

_I'm not a Sith anymore. I don't know what I am, but not a Sith. I don't know why I ever aligned myself with them to start with._

I deactivated the sabre but still had the hilt loosely in my fingers. A soldier approached after a minute and tugged at it gently. I saw that it was the same soldier who had originally fetched it.

"Thank you"

He gave it to the captain or whoever then knelt beside me.

"You killed my sister and mother. My father died in the war against your kind. I was prepared to hate you, but now I've seen you weeping, I hold nothing against you"

He stood and joined his fellows. I stared after him, stunned.

_What is this thing forgiveness? I had once experienced it myself, but it had been so long that I had forgotten._

I looked into his eyes.

"For everything"

He nodded, and I turned back to the leader.

"I don't know if you can do anything to me more than I've already done to myself, but I'm willing to chance it"

He chuckled slightly.

"I don't think anyone can do that"

He gestured for me to stand with his blaster and led me to the ship they had come in. I settled into the corner for the long journey.

_I don't know if I'll ever be ready to face them. But all I have to do is try. It's all I can do._

XX

pleaz R&R and tell me if i should write more!


	2. Before the Trial

Decided to turn this into an actual story. tell me wat u think

XX

I'm waiting in a small cell on Yavin deep in the Enclave while the Masters figure out what to do with me. I've been left alone since I was brought here, with ysalamari everywhere. It's just a precaution, said the guard outside. I understand.

_The first time they tried to heal my heart. I have a feeling they will be more harsh this time, since I rejected their help last time. I struck down the one they sent to help, my best friend._

They've taken all my weapons, even my hidden knives. I still haven't figured out how they found them all, unless they used the Force. But they couldn't have, not here, and I didn't help them. I wasn't asked to help.

_They probably figured out I wouldn't tell them anything. Even the deep remorse I feel couldn't convince them I'm sincere about this. _

I try to sleep on the small, hard bed provided. There's no use worrying about what will happen. It will happen when it happens. But every time I close my eyes, his burn into my heart. I cry; deep sobs that shake my entire body. I'll do anything to show them I'm sincere, anything.

_The guard seems shocked to see me cry when he peers through the hole in the door. I guess he's never seen a Sith cry before. He's probably been here a long time too. All the previous prisoners were probably brought here in stasis._

I hear footsteps approaching, even through the thick walls. I've always had good hearing, even as a child. Served me well in my time I spent here free, as short as that was.

_They've made their decision. I'm nervous, but know that whatever it is, it's what I deserve. Probably more. I don't even deserve to be sitting here._

The door slides open and I look up as Luke Skywalker enters. Not Luke, he's the last person I want to see right now. The one who can make me feel guiltier than I already do. He's closely followed by Leia Organa Solo, his sister and the Chief of State.

_Not Leia. I don't want to take any time off her already busy schedule. But she's here. Am I that great a threat? _I answer my own silent question. _Yes._

"The Jedi Council has decided in conjunction with the Senate that you are to be put on trial for your crimes. You can have an attorney to represent you if you wish"

I don't want anyone to represent me. If anyone could represent me who doesn't hate me. Not many beings who don't hate me around. I'll need to represent myself. I slowly shake my head, and Luke is looking compassionately at me.

"I feel the remorse and guilt in you. But I can't speak for the Senate; most of the beings there want to see you dead"

I didn't react to this at all. I know they all want me dead. Even Leia hates me a little, even though she'll never admit it. I think my blank stare makes her nervous. I'm beyond caring what they think but. I'm beyond caring what anyone thinks.

_Why do the Jedi have to torture me like this and involve the Senate? I don't know what to say to the Jedi, let alone representatives of the entire galaxy! I can't handle this much longer, the pressure, the disgust, the fear. The isolation._

"You don't need to do it alone. I can help you"

He knelt next to me on the hard floor, and I could see his sabre on his belt. I wondered where my sabre was. Was it in storage somewhere? Was someone pulling it apart? I had to ask.

"Where is it?"

He knew exactly what I was talking about.

"It's safe. I haven't let anyone touch it, or pull it to pieces"

I wouldn't have cared if it was in the incinerator.

"Please don't let me ever hold a weapon again. I never know what I'll do with it"

He nodded, seeming to understand me.

"I've been through everything you're going through, Zia Toran"

I didn't look up from the floor. That's common knowledge. That's when Leia decides to put her two bob in.

"Zia, I knew you as a Jedi. Bright and funny, very outgoing. I know you can get that back."

I laughed derisively.

"You've never been there before have you? Fallen so far into darkness? It's impossible to get back exactly what you've lost, especially if you don't remember it"

She was silent. I guess she hadn't expected that.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be. I brought this on myself; no one else can be blamed but me. It was my own stupid mistake that brought me this far down"

I spat bitterly on the ground.

"I'm prepared to accept any consequences for my actions"

I looked up at Luke for almost the first time.

"When is the trial?"

"In a week. Are you sure you don't want my help?"

I paused. Any other being I would have refused help from, but Luke Skywalker?

"I would be honoured to accept your help"

He smiled at me reassuringly.

"Trust me, everything will be fine"

I looked disbelievingly at him.

"Just make sure I don't get the death penalty and let me sleep"

I lay back on the uncomfortable bed, and he chuckled softly as the guard let him and Leia out.

_His eyes still haunt me._

XX

pleaz R&R!


	3. Trial

this is the last one in this story, if you want me to continue it but pleaz leave a request in your review

XX

"Now to the next item on the agenda"

I feel sick in the stomach and suddenly I'm glad that Luke is representing me. I don't think I could represent myself here, not in front of all those people.

"Many a time we have discussed her crimes and tried to find her. Yet we have not succeeded- until now. The Sith who has wrecked havoc on the galaxy, Zia Toran, is in our hands"

A roar from the Senate as thunderous applause fills the room. I've changed my mind… I certainly couldn't defend myself in front of all those people. I can feel the malice and hatred emanating from the huge door; and it nearly overwhelms me.

"Does she deserve the death penalty?"

"YES" resounds from every corner of the huge room in a hundred different languages.

I know what you all want. But as far as I'm concerned, it's all bantha fodder. I know how you feel. Many of you have probably lost loved ones by my hands. And I'm sorry. But try to think of how I feel too.

"Let's bring her in and give her the death she so rightly deserves!"

A roar gathers in intensity as I'm escorted through to the podium in the centre, hands bound behind my back and with Luke Skywalker beside me. The hatred in this room is astounding. It's radiating from every being present with the exception of the Jedi by my side. It's incredible how something so destructive can unite so many.

"Zia Toran. You have caused much pain and suffering. Do you plead guilty to your crimes?"

I hold my head high. There's no point in denying what I have done. Every being in the room knows I'm guilty. Especially me.

"I plead guilty"

My voice isn't shaking as much as I thought it would. A chant rises from the entire Senate. "GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY" The Bothan in charge raises a hand, and the noise ceases as all eyes are fixed on us.

"She pleads guilty!"

A cheer shakes the foundations of the solid building and I lower my head. It's done then. I'm going to be sentenced to death.

"Excuse me Councillor, may I speak?"

It's not Luke. I'm surprised; I wouldn't have thought any other being would want to speak out.

"Please do, Senator"

He sounds as surprised as I feel.

"This woman has committed numerous crimes, all of which are punishable by death. But I think we should let her speak for herself"

I look up, hardly daring to believe it. Someone actually cares enough to let me say something?

"I am opposed to this sentence. If she feels remorse for her actions, I believe she should be given another chance"

There's an outraged cry from the other side of the room.

"Give her a second chance? Surely you are not that weak that you would let a murder walk free!"

"I never said that, I said that I believed she should be given a second chance. The Jedi would take her in and help her not to repeat her mistakes. Is that not so, Master Skywalker?"

Luke nodded beside me.

"Indeed that is true. We would be willing to take the responsibility of preventing her from harming another, and her lightsabre has been taken from her. It would not be returned until we felt she was ready for it"

Another voice spoke out.

"And how do _we _know when she is ready, Master Skywalker? I wonder if you will just keep her in the Temple on Yavin and leave us in the dark about her progress"

I stirred angrily, but Luke laid his hand on my shoulder.

"Patience, Zia, patience" He raised his head as angry murmurs ran through the Senators. "Have the Jedi ever, _ever_, left the Senate in the dark about something as important as this? Tell me one time" There was no answering voice. "No? Then let us assume we will do as we have always done then"

"What of Kyp Durron? We all saw what he did. Are we willing to risk it happening a second time?"

"NO!" The crowd was on their feet, shouting the word over and over.

"What of Kyp Durron? We all saw the destruction he caused, yes. But have we all overlooked his accomplishments in the Jedi? He is an exemplary member the Order who has fully repented his crimes. How do we know this girl will be any different?"

A murmur passed through the crowd as the Senator was talking. I looked at the Councillor beside us.

"Excuse me Councillor, may I speak?"

Luke looked surprised, as surprised as I felt. The Senate fell silent.

"Certainly you may"

I looked at all the Senators.

"I am aware off all the death, destruction and pain I have caused by my actions. I don't expect you to believe me when I say this, but I'm truly sorry" Whispered conversations took place in the boxes around the walls. "My last victim was a boy. He was an orphan; I had attacked his orphanage and killed everyone inside. He was trying to protect his sister; the last family member he had" I swallowed, and no one made a sound. "His eyes burned into my heart as I stood over him with my lightsabre in my hand. Now every time I close mine, his accuse me" I paused "How many of you have been soldiers? Slain someone in the heat of battle?" Tears came to my eyes and I wiped them away. "I've cried so much since that day, a week ago. Seen all my mistakes. Remembered everyone I've killed" Complete silence filled the room. "If you haven't been hurt before, haven't struck someone down in cold blood, either under orders or by choice, please don't tell me to snap out of it. I'm not proud of what I've done, but there is a lesson to be learned here. Please don't make me die just because of your desire for revenge. That's why I turned to the darkness in the first place" No one made a sound, then slowly the Senator who had originally spoken up stood and clapped. The others followed suit, one at a time. I had even reached the ones who were screaming for me to die. Luke turned to me.

"That was incredible. Here I thought I was here to speak for you. Now I see why I came. It was to make sure they listened" I shook my head.

"I wouldn't have conceived of been able to make that speech a week ago" He started to speak, but the Councillor raised his hand for silence.

"All in favour of the death penalty raise their hand" My heart pounded in my chest. This was it. If the majority wanted me dead, I was dead. A small quarter of Senators raised their hands, and I stared. "All in favour of releasing her to the Jedi" The vast majority of hands were raised, and I felt a strange sense of elation. They're not going to kill me. I'm going to be allowed to live. "By a majority vote, Zia Toran is to be released into the care of the Jedi, under the understanding that any further crimes she commits will be the responsibility of the Jedi" A wide grin crossed my face, and my heart lightened. I'm not going to die. I'm going to be given a second chance. Thank the Force!

"This meeting is dismissed" The Senators started packing up their datapads and whatever else they needed and leaving the council chambers while Luke escorted me out to the ship.

"This isn't the end of it, you know. It'll be a long hard journey to trust, but I think you can do it"

"I know Luke, but I'm willing to take it if it means I'll get another chance at life"

"Welcome to the Jedi, Zia Toran"

XX

well that was a very emotional story to write. i swear i was close to tears sometimes. pleaz R&R


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